if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
