nut hugger
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
