He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
