It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
