Do you still have your period?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize