i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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