Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Farmville is her only friend.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just gargled with NyQuil
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
