My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We left the knife in your bed.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize