I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
