I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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