If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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