Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
