Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
