I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
