Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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