You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
