My nipple is on Facebook.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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