Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
