Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
