So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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