the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
