so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize