Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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