No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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