He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Randomize
