He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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