after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
