I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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