woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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