Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
