I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
