He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
