Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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