im about as happy as oj after his trial
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
