I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
