3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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