Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
