So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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