Kiss
Puke
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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