Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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