Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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