dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
