she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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