I seem to have left my pride at pride
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
