"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
