Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
