So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
