I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
