Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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