I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
