It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
