I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
