I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
