did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
