since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize