I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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