nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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