i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
