Buhtt sex?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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