he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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