just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
