Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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