i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
