Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
