I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
