just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dual....:-)
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
