he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Houston, we have a blender
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
