haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
